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Russian Men Have Penises Shaped Like iPhones … Apparently

Yes it’s another entry in our semi-regular Rogue’s Gallery series where we take a look at various pieces of Sex 2.0 inspired idiocy from throughout the world.

This time up its Russia!

A Russian group of companies called ZEFS unveiled a monument dedicated to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs in the courtyard of a university campus on Jan 9, 2013.

It was in the form of an over-sized iPhone complete with interactive touch screen and it looked like this:

The monument however was taken down this week followed the public announcement of current Apple CEO Tim Cook that he is gay.

The university was in the city of St. Petersburg. Widely considered one of the most liberal cities in the entire country. Not too hard in a country where being gay was only declassified as a mental illness in 1999.

If Russia was the state of Texas, St. Petersburg wold be Austin, TX.

ZEFS wrote in a statement:

blockquoteRussian legislation prohibits propaganda of homosexuality and other sexual perversions among minors

Already pretty much everything here screams MORONIC level idiocy here. First of all, what the fuck has a monument to Steve Jobs got to be taken down because somebody who succeeded him is gay?

Do they take down statues of Lenin if they find out that the man who succeeded him – Alexei Rykov – was gay?!

Second of all – IT’S A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. As far as I know, there aren’t too many university level students who are also minors.

Thirdly a deviation from the “norm” in a society does not make it a perversion. What is a “norm” in a society is highly contextual anyway.

Well the statement from ZEFS continued. Presumably it could not get more idiotic? Oh yes it can!

blockquoteAfter Apple CEO Tim Cook publicly called for sodomy, the monument was dismantled pursuant to Russian federal law on the protection of children from information that promotes the denial of traditional family values.

Every word in this amazing sentence only further compounds and multiplies the idiocy of the words earlier in the exact same sentence.

First of all, saying you are gay does not mean you are publicly calling for sodomy any more than walking or cycling to work means that you are calling for the abolition of public transport.

Second of all the “protection of children argument” does only fail because it’s on a University campus.

It fails for a number of reasons including because no amount of propaganda turns a straight person gay or a gay person straight, also because a significant percentage of those children ARE going to be gay adults and relationship duress like this only promotes an atmosphere in which is OK to beat up someone for being gay, for family members to bully you or “dis-own” you for being gay.

Even if you grow up straight, the acceptance of relationship duress of this kind can easily give you a warped and bigoted attitude towards human sexuality. How is that “protecting” people exactly?

Oh that’s right, it’s not protecting anyone. It’s just a form of relationship duress.

So is the end of the idiocy is this sentence right? Nope. The sentence finishes off by talking about how scared they are about the “denial of traditional family values”.

Well, human beings lived as tribes of hunter gatherers for almost all of human history having unfenced relationships (of all sexual orientations) and had no need for relationship duress.

If you want to promote traditional values then you would be promoting a return to tribal living and unfenced relationships and the abolition of relationship duress.

Tradition and convention is not the same thing. Conventional family values is what they are talking about, not traditional.

The idiocy around this monument is historical I guess so we should expect it.

At the time it was originally installed, an organization called the “Communists of St. Petersburg and the Leningrad Region” complained that the monument looked too phallic, that its featured face of Jobs “will scare children and students”.

Take a look at the picture of the moment above.

Now I admit my knowledge of what naked Russian men look like is non-existent but if we are to believe this then we have to assume that Russian men have penises not only shaped like iPhones but with interactive touch screen displays built into one side of them.

… oh and that Russians (perhaps one of the whitest countries in the world) are scared of the sight of other white people.

Have we actually reached a new level of Olympic level idiocy here? One that cannot possibly be beaten?

St. Petersburg lawmaker Vitaly Milonov does not think so. He is confident he can out-do them all on this.

After Tim Cook’s statement, Vitaly called for Cook to be banned from travelling to Russia, telling the Web site FlashNord that he could bring “the Ebola virus, AIDS, gonorrhoea” to Russia.

Sigh.

Further Reading : Why Men And Women Don’t Understand Each Other

Leave A Reply (2 comments so far)


  1. Feliciano
    2 years ago

    Hi JJ, so how do I get into the academy? You say it’s free, but I have no idea how to access it.

    Thanks


    • JJ Roberts
      2 years ago

      Have you read the book already?