This blog is a map.

It may not look like a map but it is.

Maps are foldy-outy kind of things with pictures and symbols and this is more of a wordpressy kind of thing with text which may lead you to the conclusion that it is a blog but ,trust me, it is not.

It is a map.

Every heard the expression ‘the map is not the territory’?

This is a well-known expression coined in 1931, I believe, by a Polish-American philosopher and scientist called Alfred Korzybski.

What this phrase means is that, although a lot of people think that their sense of reality is the reality itself, it is not.  Their sense of reality is the map and reality is the territory.  They are confusing the map with the territory that the map describes.  People do this all the time.

For example, lets say you are walking around a city with a city map in your hand.  You see a small park on the map and you head on over to the park.  When you arrive, the park is not there and it has been replaced by a set of office buildings and a car park.

You would not look at the map and insist that the map is right and that reality is wrong.  You would just assume that your map is out of date.

The map is not the terrain.

Now people carry all kinds of maps around in their head about how the way the world works.  Maps concerning all kinds of things like politics, religion, relationships and so on.

Everybody carries around a map in their head called the “this is how sexual relationships work” map and it is precisely this map that we are concerned with here.

Everybody is born with a  “this is how sexual relationships work” map and when you are first born, it is blank.

Children ask questions about absolutely everything because they don’t understand what is going on around them.  They are trying to fill in their maps.  So many things are mysteries to them and everyone starts with a blank map about so many things and they need to fill it in to survive.  They need your help to fill it in.

Typically, as children get old enough to observe how mummy and daddy relate and react to each other, parts of the map get filled in.  Being told fairy tales and bedtime stories about the beautiful princess and the dashing prince charming fills the map in a little more.  Listening to the lyrics of love songs fills in your map a little more as does watching romantic comedies.

Gradually, even though the children are not ready to start using the map yet, they develop a clear set of expectations and ideals.

When children grow up and become young men and women they embark on their own relationships.  These experiences colour their maps too.

Just like everyone else, I have a “this is how sexual relationships work” map too.

I am not so arrogant as to claim that my map is better than your map but my map is almost certainly different to your map.  As you a reading about sexual relationships then it would be fair of me to assume that you are interested in improving your map so lets see if I can help in that regard.

I will highlight the many, many ways in which people’s maps I believe come to be badly drawn.  I am going to be highlighting common mapping mistakes and detailing the reasons how and why these errors got on the map in the first place.

If you don’t like have your idea of reality being screwed around with then I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that by reading Sex 3.0 your idea of reality is going to be completely screwed around with.  The good news is that, all your life, society has screwed around with your map and your concept of reality in a bad way by taking your map further away from the terrain and Sex 3.0 aims to reverse that.

So I am going to screw around with your sense of reality in a good way as long as you  want your map to reflect the terrain more closely and you want to get closer to the truth.

Hell, if I do my job correctly then you will be ready to completely shred your own map and you will be in possession of a brand new map that is a far better representation of the territory.

I am not going to redraw your map for you.  If I did that then the responsibility for your map would be mine and you would be abdicating all responsibility for your love life onto me.

You are responsible for your map.  Nobody else.  You are responsible for your love life, not me.

So, no I am not going to redraw your map for you but I am going to help you redraw it yourself.

If this is a scary thought to you initially then you may come to realise, as you read the coming posts, that it is a wonderfully empowering thought.


  • Glad to visit this blog, keep it going.

  • admin

    rc, dont you mean you are glad to visit this map ?


  • jeremy

    awesome man. I love your back to basics approach to life and had some aha moments already, reading some of your insight.

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