Now it does not mean that just because you have mutual reward then you have a perfect relationship.  You can have relationships that are far from perfect but are still relationships none the less.

Although mutual reward determines whether a relationship exists or not it does not determine how the relationship is run or the quality of it.  Whether it is good or bad or great or awesome.

For that we need a roadmap.  A universal roadmap that covers all kinds of relationships – business, personal, sexual, non-sexual, friends, family – all relationships.

In short, we need what I call pure form relationships.

Pure form relationships have 4 principles.  If you like you can think of them as 4 cornerstones or 4 pillars that hold up the structure of a building.

The stronger these pillars are, the stronger the relationship.  The weaker and more damaged they are, the greater the danger of the whole thing collapsing.  The 4 pillars of pure form relationships are :





Let’s take a business relationship example.  If you take a job and your boss turns out to be a bit of a dick and is in the habit of saying stupid things for reasons of ego and to make himself feel important like “Remember who your master is”, that’s a pretty stupid thing to say to an employee and you probably are not going to respect him.

Respect is the fourth pillar so – boom ! – there goes one pillar.

In terms of the other 3 pillars, well he is communicating but in a stupid way so there is damage to the first pillar too.  He is not being dishonest so no special problems there but you are probably going to trust him less so the third pillar – trust –  is damaged too and the fourth pillar – respect is gone.

That’s probably not a boss you are going to be very motivated into working very hard for.

You still have a relationship because remember a relationship means mutual reward and if you still continue to receive your wages and you continue to go to work then mutual reward continues.

However, although you still have a relationship, you do not have a pure form relationship.  Pure form relationships have 4 strong pillars, not 3 weak ones.

The Universal Map Of All Relationships

Applying pure form theory to laying out a universal map of all relationships gives us a unifying and universal map covering every possible relationship you can ever have in your entire life in just 6 words.

These 6 words are broken down into relationship definition (2 words) and relationship roadmap (4 words).

Definition – mutual reward

Roadmap – communication, honesty, trust, respect

Any time you feel a relationship of any type in your life is weak or in trouble, take a look at the roadmap.  Take a look at the four pillars defined in the roadmap.  Filter the relationship past the four pillars.  Where is it weak?  Where is it damaged?  Where can it be improved?

There are very few things in your life that impact your happiness as profoundly as the nature and the quality of the relationships you have in your life.

Measuring the integrity of any relationship is the simple task of giving yourself on honest assessment of the integrity of the 4 pillars.

How strong do they stand?  Are there cracks in the pillars?  If so, which ones?  Which ones do you find yourself working to constantly repair?

Endeavour to make all of your relationships pure form relationships.


  • Martin

    Nice post. Very insightful but how would you define respect exactly?

  • admin

    @Martin When I say respect, I mean fair in all dealings basically.

  • This post is perfectly timed for me. I’m looking at my relationships (or lack thereof) and can see where the damage is by looking at the pillar analogy. Cool.

  • Wow, a very clear macro-framework for relationships.

    Applying the definition to my relationships, I can pinpoint exactly which of the pillars are weak/missing and which ones are strong.

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