You are given one key indicator your entire life about the quality of your map. The indicator is this …
Do you find the subject of human sexual relationships, and your own experiences in them, to be troublesome, complicated or difficult? In your personal experience, would you agree that the need to “work on your relationship” is good advice as relationships are often a struggle?
If you do then your map sucks.
Got be blunt. No pulling punches, no apologies and, no, you can’t be mad at me for saying so. I told you in the first post that I was going to screw with your reality (in a good way of course).
I also told you I was going to help you re-draw your map and take it closer to the terrain and it’s totally impossible for me to that unless I point out what I think the mistakes are on your map.
Don’t be defensive, there is no reason to be. Lots of the mistakes on your map, perhaps even almost all of them, are as a result of relationship duress from society at large and were not even put on the map by you.
Also take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. In researching the Sex 3.0 book, a very common response I received when I told people I was writing a comprehensive book about human sexual relationships was either “Blimey that book is going to weigh a ton!” or “So, what conclusion does the book come to? That relationships are really complicated?” often accompanied by a concerned wince and a pained expression.
If your map closely and accurately presents you with an absolutely great and accurate view of the territory then you will find it exceptionally easy to navigate it. In other words, you will find sexual relationships to be easy, a source of delight and pleasure and not problematic at all.
If you find that sexual relationships are difficult and you are encountering all kinds of common problems like jealousy, possessiveness, resentment, nagging problems, complacency, boredom, a withering sexual desire for each other in the face of familiarity followed by that desperate desire to “get the spark back”, then your map needs re-drawing and I am going to help you do it.
Sexual relationships are not difficult. They are easy.
Or, to be more precise, they are as easy as you make them. Make sure you have a really good map and then make the right choices based on the map and you are good. I speak from experience.
It’s great to realise that all the stuff that society and relationship duress drew on your map is erasable. If you don’t believe you posses an eraser capable of doing that then I sincerely hope to hand one to you. I will make it my mission.
How difficult or easy your relationships are is an option that YOU choose.
Seek clarity. Drill down. Simplify. Drill down more. Seek clarity and repeat over and over again. This mentality is essential for taking the map closer to the territory.
In the interests of making everything nice and simple on your map, how about if I told you that the word “relationship” can be defined in just two words and that there are only two kinds of human sexual relationship in existence?
Sound too good to be true?
Well, that will be the subject of my next two posts.