Guest Post By Pamela Necessary
The blog I spent so much time writing this evening met its doom when the delete button was administered properly to put it out of its misery.
An incident left me banging my fists upon my desk and ranting as if anyone could hear my declaration of shock and awe over the apparent need of a young female to begin sending me unwanted messages. Just reading the first message caused this middle age woman to blow like a whale who had not surfaced in quite some time.
“Hi Pam, my name is Jane and I wanted to let you know I am back with Leslie so there is no confusion”.
Imagine my surprise in receiving this message since there has been no communication from Leslie for some time and no effort on my behalf. The messages continued after my reply of “Why are you texting me, I am not involved in this”.
A buzz and shimmy shake of the cell phone and I read “Because I wanted to let you know I am not mad cause ya’ll didn’t have sex and he said ya’ll were just talking”. The messages went on in an apparent desperation to stake her claim, “Ya’ll can be friends and I wanted to let you know I don’t have any problems with it”.
My reply, “Thanks for the input”.
This is just my opinion, but an opinion to say the least. Why did Lester feel the need to share my name, phone number or anything related to Jane?
Why did she feel the need to send me texts declaring her possession over Leslie?
Suddenly I am involved with two people who I don’t really know and could care less about. I shared a dinner with Leslie, mutual conversation and inspiration to get through a trying time. Apparently in his mindset he thought there was something more.
I would be curious to know his thoughts because there was nothing but talk between us. There was no mutual reward established on this dinner date and I didn’t want to experience any type of sexual acts with him.
It was apparently a big surprise to both of these individuals in reaching a person with my distinct disposition on matters such as this. If I wanted to have sex with him I would have and why would it have matter since Jane had decided to move in with another man she declared her love for.
Was it really about sex or the fact this female felt the need to declare her ownership over this man? I calmed down only to realize how funny this situation actually was and how unfortunate these two people are since they do not have the knowledge I have acquired.
I don’t see society tipping into 3.0, I can actually imagine that it will fall with a “thump” and an “ouch” into the 3.0 era.
Middle age men and women I know seek something more in relationships and the quality of sex they engage in. They make decisions based upon past experiences and not necessarily the norms of society.
It is my knowledge that middle age men say they want stability in a relationship; an independent, strong woman; and they proclaim they are secure in their masculinity. But why seek a relationship with an independent strong woman? And why proclaim they are secure in their masculinity? Why not simply state “I just want to have sex with you”.
My experiences as a single woman in the last nine years have taught me valuable lessons. Dating as a divorcee and during the “prime” of my life has yielded no results of a long term relationship.
I often pondered why I felt the need to engage in the ritual of dating and one day I stated, “I only need a man for sex”. Everyone laughed at me but I was serious about this statement.
Without ever realizing that I was embarking into uncharted territories of philosophies unknown I began to fall into Sex 3.0. Word after word I have read only to realize that I am not special and by no means am I alone in this journey.
As I share expressions of simple logic with others they exclaim that is how they feel as well. Gone are the days of looking forward to marriage which is just an institutionalized form of control by one or both parties involved.
The need for men and women to have comfort, security and companionship are becoming extinct. The family unit we grew up with is no more, single parent units are taking the lead. And where does this leave men who are no longer the leaders of our tribes; it leaves them declaring their comfort with their masculinity which was never questioned to begin with.
It leaves women seeking “sex” as a mutual reward between a partner or partners only to provide an essential need. However, we live in cultures around the world that are not supportive to this idealistic way of life.
It is not about conforming and agreeing with the philosophy of Sex 3.0, it is simply about opening your mind to discover what map you will use as you travel through life. Without knowing, one day, you too may hear the “thump” and the “ouch” from someone you know or maybe you will take one more look in the mirror to discover the person you have been looking for all along.
Further Reading : The Cultivation Of Desperation
About The Author : Pamela Necessary has dedicated most of her adult life to working for and volunteering in non-profit service organizations. A mother and self proclaimed entrepreneur she is embarking upon a life changing journey releasing her true self.
She has studied various mental health subjects and has degrees in Organizational Development & Leadership as well as certifications in Human Services.