Have you ever taken a tumble in the hay with someone and soon afterwards heard them say that they are “not looking for a relationship”?
What the hell does that mean?!
Well, as I commented in this post, the word relationship only means “mutual reward”. It does not mean anything else. So, let’s try to substitute the words “mutual reward” into that sentence and see if it makes any sense.
I am not looking for mutual reward.
Nope, does not make any sense at all. Why would anybody not be interested in mutual reward? The only people who are not interested in mutual reward are thieves who just want to take and masochists who just want to be taken advantage of.
So what does it really mean?
Well, firstly I should comment that you are more likely to hear “I am not looking for a relationship right now” or “I am not looking for anything serious right now” from a woman than from a man. Why is that?
Well, there are two sides of the Sex 2.0 deal as I detailed in this post. Women are taught their entire lives that they have to sell their sexuality in exchange for security and men are taught that if they want a long term sexual relationship with a woman then they have to take a woman’s sexuality, throw it in a box, slam the lid shut and stamp and label the box as their property.
That means that in a Sex 2.0 world both men and women, but particularly women, are raised to believe that if they want an on-going sexual relationship then they have to sacrifice their freedom.
Now it’s not true at all that you have to sacrifice your freedom to become involved in a long-term sexual relationship. However, society never offers people the choice of unfenced relationships and so people are still carrying around this belief that they don’t have any choice and that on-going mutual reward in a sexual relationship can only be established on the basis of losing your sexual freedom and submitting to a fenced relationship.
The other part of the equation to bear in mind is that fenced relationships are based on the notion of sexual ownership. The notion of sexual ownership promotes jealousy and possessiveness and all of the emotional bullshit that goes with it.
When people are coming out of such relationships and feeling emotionally frazzled the very last things they want is to leap straight into a similar situation with somebody else.
That brings us to precisely what people mean when they say “I am not looking for a relationship right now”.
What they really mean is “I am not looking to sacrifice my sexual and personal freedom right now and become involved in a relationship based on the notion of sexual ownership and deal with all of the emotional bullshit that goes with it”.
Or, it could mean that they are just not that into you.