In part one of this post I talked about the nature of human beliefs and how they develop in the psychological sense.

Ideas and beliefs are not the same thing.

When a human being is presented with an idea, in order for that idea to be converted into a belief and for that belief to be maintained then the ideas have to be backed up by one of two things.

• Facts or
• Ego

In the case of sex, just like religion, people are carrying around a lot of beliefs that cannot be proven to be true because they are founded on controversial axioms.


An axiom, in cased you missed the last post, is the premise or starting point of reasoning that an entire school of thought is based upon.

For this reason, axioms almost always are premises so self-evident as to be accepted as true without any controversy at all.

Sex 3.0 has an axiom and that axiom is the following statement : The truth is that women get pregnant and give birth to babies and men don’t.

So you see, not very controversial.  This self-evident truth means that both sexes have radically differing genetic imperatives and when you understand these genetic imperatives, it becomes very easy to understand human sexual behaviour and easy to understand both sexes (yes, even women).

As many ideas about sexual relationships however are not based on such uncontroversial axioms, these ideas promote beliefs are ego-backed and are not beliefs backed up with demonstrable, factual evidence.

Many of the ego-backed beliefs also have plenty of evidence against them so lets take a look at just one of these ego-backed sexual beliefs.

Having A Fenced Relationship Makes Your Relationship More Stable

Many people have friends or know people who are in fenced relationships and they just keep breaking up and getting back together with the exact same person over and over again.  Often as a result of a some major emotional drama or row only to then get back together again days, weeks or months later.

The pattern repeats ad-naseum and to the point that they endlessly seem be breaking up and getting back together again – with the exact same person – much to the chagrin of their friends who constantly have to act as the shoulder to cry on for both of them.

On the other hand, there are also many people who know couples who seem to be the absolutely picture perfect ideal pairing.  In times of doubt as to the sanity or long term viability of sexually exclusive relationships, those in their social circle often point at them as the perfect example of an ideal relationship.

A cherished example of what we should all be aiming for in our relationships; something to truly strive for. Always so loving towards each other, never arguing, no bad blood or drama between them, not a single drop.

Then you know what happens?  That couple often breaks up too much to the complete bafflement of their friends.

People are left scratching their heads and muttering to themselves “Damn, if even they could not get it to work, what hope is there for the rest of us ?!”

Making a relationship fenced does not make it more stable, it makes it more UN-stable.  I go into great detail in my book as to why that is the case.  I don’t have enough space in one blog post to cover it but here are a few reasons.

  • Jealousy – The root cause of jealousy is the terrible feeling of insecurity over a person that somebody perceives as their sexual property.  In other words, they were quite comfortable and secure in their feeling of ownership but something happened and now they are not so sure.  The result is an intense feeling of insecurity sometimes so strong it can make a person feel sick to their stomach often accompanied by extreme anger.
  • Possessiveness – Unlike jealousy, the root cause of possessiveness is fear of loss.  Possessive behaviour can manifest itself in relationships in many ways including controlling behaviour or ordering your partner around like they are your slave or property.  Of course arguments and disharmony result from this too.
  • Infidelity – Often cheating, or more specifically the discovery of cheating is the cause for a breakup.  Even when not discovered, cheating injects dishonesty and suspicious in to relationships that promote disrespectful behaviour like snooping of phone text messages, Facebook stalking (“Who the hell is that girl that keeps liking your wall posts?!”)
  • Loss Of Freedom – Quite simply not having your sexual freedom can cause resentment over a period of time.  At first it was great being some sure that you have both agreed that no competing bids for your sexuality will be considered but resentment can slowly build.
  • Stagnation By Exclusivity – Nothing stagnates a relationship quite like taking each other for granted.  Hard to avoid taking each other for granted over a period of time.  People stop making an effort, at first you were the centre of his world.  Now he wants to veg out on the couch, watch sports, drink  and fart.  Before she used to wear lingerie, give your blowjobs all the time and work out how to be your sex freak.  Now it’s lounging around in baggy sweatpants and the occasional “Ok, I will give him a blowjob just to get him to stop complaining”.
  • Familiarity – Not in the sense of taking each other for granted like I just talked about but in the root sense of the meaning of the word familiarity – like family.  Many relationships end up like brotherly / sisterly relationships and not many people want to have sex with a person that feels like a sibling.
  • Sexual Boredom – The Coolidge effect shows that our sex drive lessens over a period of time because lack of novelty

Of course there are many more of these ego-backed beliefs that are just as bad like the notion that the your are supposed to “work” at relationships or that the security of your relationship is best ensured by getting married and many more but I will cover those in other posts.

The main point here is no to convince anyone that fenced relationships are not the way to go.

There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to fenced or unfenced relationships.  Any promotion of one over the over would just be a form of relationship duress and relationship duress has no place in Sex 3.o.

We believe in self determination which means protecting the right of people making their own choices but doing so from a place of enlightenment and acceptance of human sexual nature.  Not an ego backed rational that shoves a system based on fear and control down their throats which is exactly what Sex 2.0 is.

While sex 2.0 remains the model by which people conduct their sex lives, sex will always be controversial and will always cause a big fuss because it is an ego-backed belief system founded on shaky axioms.


  • Anon

    I understand how “fenced” isn’t necessarily stable, due to the reasons you mention, but I don’t see how these reasons diseappear once in an unfenced relationship.

    I have a girlfriend at the moment, in the traditional Sex 2.0 meaning I suppose (fenced). However my personal favourite choice for a relationship with her would be, as you described in a previous post, building a nest with her, while keeping opportunities open on the side to enjoy the company of other women. But I don’t see how I could get her to accept this kind of relationship. Her wanting me to be exclusive to her is quite natural, I don’t see how you can have a compatibility between the natural masculine urges and the natural feminine security needs. One has to give in. Me openly fooling around with other girls would certainly drive her insane. I can see how a new partner can accept that at the beginning (I’ve had it in the past), but I don’t see that being stable and working in the long term.

  • Anon, what you are saying you want is an unfenced relationship with your current girlfriend as your primary or “most preferred” partner.

    However, that is not what you have. You have a fenced relationship quite rightly as you said.

    Her wanting to be exclusive is not “natural” as you say, it is however normal.

    It is however natural for her to want security and women, like men, often believe – mistakenly in my opinion – that a fenced relationship is the best way to achieve it.

    If you want unfenced relationships with a primary that you build a nest with then you must learn how to establish relationships this way from the very beginning as, once the foundation of the relationship is set, it is very difficult to change.

    I teach people how to do this in my book and also during one-on-one coaching.