Guest Post By Michelle Terrell
I emasculated my husband but didn’t know I was doing it. I didn’t understand how attraction worked back then.
I chose a weak man yes, but now that I know my part I take full responsibility and have evolved my femininity so it is of high value. Thus any compulsion to take a man down a few notches so I can have a false sense of security has left me. I have real depth of security these days.
Natural male behaviour or weak male/beta behaviour never feels like a perceived threat to me nor does jealousy and possessiveness rule my world pretending to be love. I am free to never choose to emasculate again. I can choose to be conscious instead.
I vow that what I did to that good man due to my own insecurity and poor choices will never happen again for more than a few moments and then I will stop and transmute that low practice into inspiration instead. I was born female therefore I was born with the power to inspire men to greatness. I choose to contribute to greatest instead of crippling the world.
So here is what happened back then in my personal history. You may find yourself in this story. You may choose to make changes to escape this low way of being as well. Like so many, I was following along with what social pressure said I had to do to be respected in a man’s work world, to be a strong woman, to be a good example to my children to be able to have culturally sanctioned sex. I was acting more and more man-like so I could feel valuable and “safe”.
I was not only handling more and more of life myself but in the process de-feminizing myself and reducing my man’s motivation to protect and provide for me. I was ripping my kids off of a nurturing mother and the world off from providing it with my greatest gifts, which are only fully activated in the feminine. It was a vicious cycle that killed desire and passion.
To be a socially acceptable prostitute (commonly called a wife in this culture) was what I was told would make me happy, whole and accepted by others.
I played my part with due diligence.
I was the “good girl”.
I got married.
I felt trapped in what others would have seen as a good marriage. (as good as you can expect that sort of thing to be don’t ya know. Marriage is suppose to be hard right?)
I lashed out because my cage wasn’t making me happy.
Wasn’t it supposed to make me happy to do what everyone else was doing?
I felt obligated.
Joy comes from freedom and pure choice. Going along, just doing things because “hey that’s just how we do thing around here even though we don’t know why.” will never, ever have the capacity to bring pure joy. It will always fall short.
I didn’t really get to choose. Not only were options for how to do my sexual and coupled life not laid out before me as a young woman growing up but in this culture they were actively hidden from me.
Lack of choice will ALWAYS make for unhappy people.
So CHOOSE! Don’t just go along.
Educate yourself so you know your choices.
Let’s upgrade our society about doing our intimate relationships for our own deeply felt and understood, internal motivations rather than emotional triggers and lies. Intimacy has nothing to do with pressure to conform and is, in fact, killed by it.
My ex and I are now friends and rise our son with joy because I no longer expect him to stay in the “fenced in area” with me no matter what his true nature is calling for and he doesn’t expect me to honour the “fenced in area” more than to honour my truth and naturalness.
I got out of that HORRIBLE trap of expecting him to be someone he was not and doing the disgusting act of emasculation. I got free through education and honesty. In turn, I displayed real love by setting him free as well.
Let’s be clear. I’m not anti marriage. But I am pro-passionate living. I am Hell bent on providing creating and supporting what will promote more honest living, education and awareness we have choices.
Michelle is a holistic sexuality therapist and male empowerment coach who has 15 years mentoring experience with both individuals and couples.
She is a member of the Sex 3.0 community in Arizona.
Cross posted at theattractionstudio.com